Where have all the nectarines gone?

NectarinesI bought some nectarines from Waitrose today. Except they weren’t called nectarines. The label called them “stone fruit.”

Let’s be clear about this. Stones don’t taste nice.   Neither do they look like the kind of things you’d want to put in your mouth. They don’t have a pleasant texture. They often have a lumpy shape, unlike these Waitrose nectarines that were near-perfect spheres – truly nectarines of the Gods. I’d go so far as to say that there’s nothing about a stone to suggest it would be a good thing to eat.

Nectarines aren’t even the only fruit to have a stone. I’m thinking plums. I’m thinking dates. Are they to be renamed stone fruit too?

Stone fruit? I don’t want it. Nectarine is a much lovelier name.

The label that offended me in this way also exclaimed, “Refrigerate me!”

Noooo! Everyone knows that you should never refrigerate fruit. Not unless you want it to become hard and tasteless. Rather like a stone in fact. I think I’m starting to see a connection.

I’m beginning to worry about Waitrose. I’m looking at some meat I bought there. The label on that reads, “Bred by farmers who share our values.”

What are these values? I scan the label for an explanation, but there is none. Are these values so obvious and universal that no explanation is required?

I have no answers to any of these questions.

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