Sincere greetings to you, dearest reader

megaphoneHi, How are you? You’re good? That’s good. I’m good too. Thanks for asking. Don’t mention it. Oh, and by the way, I have something vitally urgent and important to communicate to you.

If you’re as old as me, you’ll remember a time when verbal communication was simple. You just introduced yourself with a simple hello,  or if using the phone, “Is that Steve?” and then said what you wanted to say. Now it’s much more complicated. You have to negotiate all kinds of intricate verbal checks and balances before you can say anything of any substance whatsoever. (I’m good too, and by the way, your house is burning to the ground and your children are stuck on the top floor. Can I help you with anything else today?)

Paradoxically, written communication has become much less formal. Instead of a “Dear Mr Morris, May I heartily take this opportunity to express my felicitous intentions to you,” you can just say “Hi,” if it’s an email, or dispense with any kind of introduction at all if texting. (Steve, we have an incredible offer for you today. Buy one of these useless pieces of junk and we’ll throw in some more free crap you don’t want!)

In fact everything has become less formal, with no ties required in business meetings and no clothing needed at all if you’re a teleworker. (Dude, I am totally not wearing any underpants while I write this blog.)

So why all this superfluous verbal interlocution when speaking? It annoys me no end. You wanna know how I really am today? I’ll tell you. I’m pissed off. I was happy before you called me with your inane gibbering, but now I’m just angry. How are you?

The problem is that I’ve turned into a grumpy old man. Well, I am pushing fifty, so it’s allowed. After all, when it comes to grumbling, fifty is the new seventy-five, so there’s no need for me to apologise about it. So if you have something to say to me, just say it straight out. Otherwise, put it in writing.

13 responses to “Sincere greetings to you, dearest reader

  1. Much serious, said in jest … I try to eschew digital technology, except when it’s necessary. Whether my blog is necessary is debatable, true. But as a teacher I was quite shocked when new students, often from California or a more relaxed part of the country than New York, would actually walk into my office without knocking and then … gasp … call me by first name. I once a new student, pop round for a visit and while she was gabbling away, she pointed to my private (I was the Principal) toilet and asked if she could use it. She was visibly offended when I said no. Sorry … I’m rabbiting on. Good post.

  2. Well I guess these are all just social constructs.

  3. Thank you for this – my sentiments exactly! And if we are allowed to be grumpy old people, I wonder if I am the only person who hates the phrase “I am good.” What does it mean, exactly? Well behaved? Good as opposed to naughty? Why have we borrowed this puerile phrase from the Americans? “I am fine” was much better, in my humble old fart opinion.

    • Hi fan of dickens…..Good was a term that was used in the sense of excellent…..whereas naughty meant someone who had but naught (nothing). And bad was inferior. So because of word mutation that happens to a powerful tool like the Alphabet when left in the hands of those without the wisdom to see what they really have. So when you now hear the christmas song about which kids Santa will bring gifts for may understand the “real” meaning to that particular rendition. When good words mutate they then lose their true meaning. And that is “bad”….

  4. Dear Sir… was as entertaining as ever reading your blogs but i was wondering if you feel if you have come any closer to your goal of finding the Truth? Is there anything that you didn’t know six months ago that you know do? And are those new pieces of information trivia or solid facts? And are any of those solid facts…Truth? And if so how is it a person knows the difference between a fact and truth? Can everything be defined? Or are some things undefinable? And why? Thanks for another great read Steve. That was my best attempt at being as formal as i could and still making sense….lol…

  5. Yes!!!

    Dear Sir:
    I’m with you on this one. Absolutely.
    Yours truly….

  6. let me say you are a genius

  7. Steve, you’re allowed to be grumpy. “Age no bar” as they say in my country. I don’t even pick up calls on good days. Also, I tried to be formal but I think I need to take a class. I’m hoping you’ll write an instructional post soon!

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