Steve: Yeah, time for partying!
Steve: No, I was thinking about the annual review of this blog.
Steve: OK, let’s do it!
Steve: Well, how’s the blog going?
Steve: Good. I now have over 500 minions!
Steve: I think you mean followers, Steve. Please don’t talk like that or people will think you’re crazy.
Steve: What, and talking to myself means that I’m totally not crazy?
Steve: All bloggers talk to themselves. It’s what blogging’s all about. Now, last year, you used this exercise as an excuse to deliver some kind of pompous speech.
Steve: It was New Year’s Eve. I’d had a glass of something.
Steve: I want none of that kind of behaviour this year. In any case, there have been complaints.
Steve: What? Who made them?
Steve: Calm down, they aren’t real complaints. They are complaints I have imagined.
Steve: Oh, yes. I imagine those kinds of complaints too, whenever I write an article.
Steve: The first complaint is that this blog has no focus. You break the cardinal rule of blogging. You just jump from one random thought to another, without developing a theme.
Steve: Hmm, sorry? What did you say? I was thinking about something else.
Steve: Never mind. The second complaint is about your use of swear words.
Steve: Sorry, I hope they don’t offend.
Steve: Hmm. And that brings me to my third complaint. Offensiveness. You preach a message of tolerance and universal love and then you go off and offend some fucker! What’s with that?
Steve: OK, I would like to take this opportunity to say that I really don’t try to be offensive, or to swear. It’s just that I have strong views and sometimes it just happens. I don’t mean anything personally. Also, I can be quite immature at times.
Steve: You’ve had to apologise on at least two occasions this year.
Steve: I’m sorry. I’ll try not to do it again.
Steve: Now, last year you said that we might do this interview as a video this time.
Steve: Sorry, I couldn’t be bothered. It was too much work.
Steve: OK, and finally, do you have a New Year message for your readers? Please don’t spout a load of pretentious crap like you did last year.
Steve: I’d just like to say thank you to everyone who has visited this blog and taken a moment out of their lives to listen in to my innermost thoughts. I am humbled by that, and I want to wish you all a peaceful and productive 2014!
Steve: Thank you, Steve, and do try to be less narcissistic in future.