Top 10 undead creatures you might actually want to be

ghostEver wondered what it would be like to become an evil undead monster spreading fear and panic wherever you go? I know I have.

Here’s a run-down of the options, starting with my least favourite – the zombie, at number 10.

10. Zombie

Zombie_2013229b

How would you like to be a mindless, rotting corpse that eats brains and hangs out in garden sheds? No, me neither. The only place to be when the zombie apocalypse happens is blasting your way out with a pump action shotgun. Let’s move on.

9. Ghoul

Ghoul_-_David_GriffithOne step up from the mindless zombie is the semi-intelligent ghoul, a kind of re-animated corpse that lurks in graveyards in search of human flesh to devour. Not known for their discernment, ghouls will take pretty much anything that comes their way.

8. Poltergeist

Tea-Party-Levitation

If you’re the kind of person who likes to play silly pranks on unsuspecting strangers, perhaps you’d enjoy being a poltergeist. You’d have no physical presence to speak of, but you could make scary noises and practice levitating small household objects. I suppose it’s better than nothing.

7. Shadow

Shadow_Ghost_clip_art_hight

A shadow is a kind of half-hearted ghost, or a shy spirit. They don’t seem to do very much, just absorb light in a slightly worrying fashion. I can’t really see the attraction.

6.Banshee

Banshee

Here’s one that’s strictly for the ladies, and you’d need a good singing voice if you’re going to cut it in this job. It’s not a barrel of laughs, haunting desolate moors and wailing whenever someone’s about to die, but I suppose someone’s got to do it.

5. Ghost

ghost_bride_by_elora666-d5k9d17

Much better than the mindless corpse crew, you’d at least have the fun of floating through walls to scare people. But ghosts are usually restricted to the place they died and are often the victims of some violent and terrible end. Not really a recipe for happy ever after.

4. Revenant

revenant

A variation of a ghost. A revenant is a ghost with a mission – namely to right some injustice, which does give a purpose to the afterlife, and the possibility of extracting a horrible revenge on someone who truly deserves it.

3. Mummy

BB_vert_3_tcm13-5030

Now we’re getting somewhere. Want to spend eternity in a hot, sunny climate with plenty of time to enjoy to all the treasures you managed to hoard while you were alive? Let’s hope no greedy tomb robbers or curious archaeologists disturb you, or they’d surely invoke your wrath.

2. Vampire

Christopher-Lee-Dracula-006

Not the silly sparkly things that Stephenie Meyer’s feeble imagination conjured up. I’m talking about evil monsters that fear garlic and holy symbols, and simply detest beach holidays. You’d have to spend the hours of daylight in a dirt-filled coffin, but when night comes it’d be payback time, with beautiful young virgins and blood-sucking orgies to get the party started.

1. Lich

Dark-Art_death_lich

In fantasy fiction, a lich is a great wizard who achieves a status of eternal non-death through the use of magic. The lich is powerful, intelligent and often rules over lesser undead creatures. Now that would be awesome. Liches are often depicted as skeletal creatures dressed in rotting robes, but I don’t think that’s a hard and fast rule. You could probably wear Gucci if you wanted to.

What about you? Do you have a favourite undead fiend that you’re secretly hoping to become when you die? Or would you prefer to lie quietly in the ground, resolutely refusing to bother the living?

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28 responses to “Top 10 undead creatures you might actually want to be

  1. “… To die, to sleep, To sleep, perchance to dream…”
    Yep… Lich is good! The idea of being Death’s apprentice (aka Mort in the Discworld novels) has always appealed… that or being a “demon” in general… malevolent & immortal… or maybe simply a mermaid! Surprised to find no mention of MPs or FIFA officials!

  2. It’s the living that are dead to empathy that trouble me Steve. o_O

  3. I think I would like to be an Orb. You know the spherical objects that float around, always seem to get caught on camera and everyone is always debating about whether they are just errant objects in the air or really mean something. Nothing to terribly scary. Kind of like an afterlife drone.

  4. None of these have been around me, as far as I know. If I could be one, the poltergeist would be my choice.

  5. Ha! Good post! It did have the effect of making me realize I’ve never considered being any of those things. I did want to be Superman when I was a kid, but all I’ve ever wanted to be since was a famous musician or filmmaker. The problem, of course, is that those things often require skills.

    • They also require being alive, so I’m going to have to rule those options out, unless you combine them with being a vampire or something. A vampire filmmaker might make some excellent vampire films.

      • There’s a vampire news photographer in the later Terry Pratchett Discworld books. The problem is, every time he uses flash, the bright light turns him to dust, so he wears a small glass vial of blood around his neck that breaks when it falls to the ground and the bit of blood restores him from the pile of dust.

        (Moments ago I finished re-reading Pratchett’s second Discworld novel, The Light Fantastic which plot involves eight moons hatching like giant turtle’s eggs. Sounds familiar, I thought! 🙂 Given that Pratchett is a much-beloved, very well-known, British fantasy writer, I can’t help but wonder to what extent it provided the, um, “egg” of an idea for that Doctor Who episode. So many of the stories are obvious homages, and now I wonder if that one was, too.)

  6. Can’t say I find any of these particularly appealing. If we’re sticking to the supernatural and/or mythological, I think being resurrected as a demi-god might be the best gig, if you can get it.

  7. Not that I ever want to be one but my list of undead evil persons is headed by politicians.

    • I will rank them at number 11, just below zombie:

      “Politician – believed by many to be inhuman monsters without a soul, politicians live as shadows, sucking the life out of society. In much the same way as a vampire can only enter your home if invited, a politician can only exist if people vote for them. Thus, they are adept at the art of persuasion, bribery and deceit. Politicians live lonely and fearful existences, constantly afraid of voter apathy, backstabbing by ruthless colleagues, and lack of media attention.”

  8. I wanna be poltergeist…he he he…enjoyed reading this one

  9. Interesting and funny. In the place where I live ( Mangalore. India) Ghosts have replaced Gods. People do worship Ghosts to have blessings. Hence it is not bad to wish to become a Ghost which is called as Bhoota here

  10. I would be a banshee because I have a amazing singing voice

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